No Santa don't!

Thousands of new-build householders are frantically making arrangements to spend Christmas with anyone who hasn't had a house built in the last two years. Last week, a senior lecturer at Warwick university carried out stress tests on roofs of an unidentified new-build in Hertfordshire.
The test revealed that although the tiles could handle a rough landing by a correctly loaded sleigh, the truss's could not be relied upon to carry the expected loads of this years vehicle.
Among the bizarre presents expected to overload the sleigh this year and wished for by the Pissemoff board, is a list of disgruntled customers and enough nails to keep the existing houses up until the guarantees are exhausted. The biggest single present though was expected to be a book of excuses, which was made from a small wood hurriedly cut down by contractors disguised as goblins (but you couldn't tell the difference, honestly). The final straw though were the thousands of paper notepads requested by unhappy buyers to be able to log the snagging effectively.

Joseph Daniels, from roof truss supplier BB (Bradford Balsa) denied that truss's were below minimum loading standards and cited several examples of where more than eight seagulls safely landed and took off from houses he had supplied and he provided photo proof, although Gemma Khan from Mrs Wilson's reception class questioned the authenticity of the evidence. 

Threegulls

Santa was suprisingly upbeat about the whole thing explaining that ever since his accident last year on a Pissemoff estate where the sleigh disappeared into a hole in an estate road, he avoids landing anywhere near them.
"you can spot the sh*t estates easily from the air and I just land on greenhouses thinking I've got a better chance on them, than landing on the boll*cks they build nowadays"  

Disclaimer: This story is satire - this means it is for entertainment only and is not true. Mr Anthrop accepts no responsibility for the accuracy or otherwise of this information - it is all untrue. If you are a house developer reading this , well done!