Cloak and digger

A six month investigation has uncovered a conspiracy between the house building industry and the UK border agency. A secret meeting held over several minutes had outlined government tactics designed to curb the politically sensitive immigration issue facing beleaguered politicians. In exchange for a land grab free for all and 'turning a blind eye' on NHBC claims, housing developers had promised to build such poor quality homes that new immigrants would turn their noses up at them. Whistle-blower Sam Harding, who wanted to remain nameless, recalled the minister's opening words to the consortium:   
"look you feckin cowboys, build shit houses and you can put them wherever you like, how does that sound?"

"deal!" shouted the consortium chairman and that was it. Everyone piled out into the limos and we all got hammered at the club.

The unnamed whistle blower went on to say that subsequently he was made redundant for no good reason "all I said was that I didn't think customers would notice the difference" 


Recent immigrant Khaled Jumaraigum who was seen carrying his entire belongings in six plastic B&Q bags said "I'm so relieved. I spend most days going back and forth to the diy store to replace and repair all the things that break, fall off, crack, creak, drip, hiss, spark and frankly I can't wait to get back to my corrugated lean-to in Calais. At least it was relatively dry, warm, draught free and you knew when the leccy would be on"   


Unfortunately things have gone from bad to worse as British born new-build owners had already occupied the French camps and fights had broken out over the ownership of the ram shackled huts and tents. Mr and Mrs Watson from Orpington, who had been in Calais for a few months said "we were happily settled in our corrugated lean-to which is a vast improvement on our three bed semi on the new estate, when a fellow from Eritrea served us with an eviction notice, bloody cheek!"


Thomas Bibbington-Smythe, a government spokesperson said "I think we rather goofed this one up a tad, but when I tried to meet the consortium chairman to get them to jolly well fix the problem, he didn't turn up but rang to say he'd definitely, definitely, definitely be round next Thursday...or Friday"

Disclaimer: This story is satire - this means it is for entertainment only and is not true. Mr Anthrop accepts no responsibility for the accuracy or otherwise of this information - it is all untrue. If you are a house developer reading this , well done!