Honey I shrunk the estate

After coming under increasing pressure from their majority shareholder - Beelzebub holdings, Pissemoff sought to maximize the number of houses they could squeeze into a given area (utilising other peoples land where possible). This was causing a serious shift in the seating positions of members of the Pissemoff board and some embarrassing sounds as well. However, after being inspired by actually getting to the end of a Stephen Hawking book - "George's Secret Key to the Universe" and watching his favourite serious film about ray guns and stuff, whilst sitting quietly and not fidgeting, Mr Callousgreedypig was delighted to fanfare their latest recruit from Sir Clive Sinklayers arsenal of ancient technological disasters.

The C6 Profiterator

This was Pissemoff's second investment in technology this year after Mary Doyle broke the glass on the photocopier at the Christmas party. She did return to work within a week or so but was walking gingerly for some time after that and had a 'special' chair which nobody else was allowed to use.

The C6 Profiterator will miniaturise anything to more or less scaled version of the original. The variation in scale of various objects went unnoticed by quality control as it was well within the 50% tolerance of fit that Pissemoff have been getting away with for years on walls, kitchens, tiles, pipes, cable sizes etc.

Before                              attr: Sarah777

After                              attr: Sarah777

Unfortunately Cynthia Klein was initially unable to get into her new property owing to the failure of the Pissemoff site manager to include the keys in the miniaturisation process despite promising on his Gran's life that he did. All was not lost though, as Cynthia's former life as a police drug enforcement officer, before her arrest, inspired her to use the key as a battering ram. A Pissemoff executive was overheard chuckling at Cynthia having invalidated their guarantee before she even got inside. Dave, the NHBC compliance officer was assured that shrinking him down to do his viewing was temporary and completely safe. He now works as a Feng Shui consultant in an ant colony. 

Sadly, Cynthia's cherished Fiat 500 was written off by a clumsy brickie who was playing snap and got carried away with the intense stress and raw emotion of the game. Cynthia now drives a horsefly to work while her insurers argue with Pissemoff (good luck with that) 

attr: Ron Arad

Colin felt awkward initially with his daily drive but eventually enjoyed some of the attention he received.

The children were a little confused by their bedtime assault course but were otherwise happy.

Colin finally lost the plot when he suffered a double hernia whilst upgrading the sim on his new phone.

He wrote to Pissemoff to voice his dismay at yet another lack of foresight and failure to 'think things through' and to hope that Mr Callousgreedypig's gonads got caught in the next blast from the C6 Profiterator, since clearly the first blast only got his tadger and brain which according to Cynthia was one and the same thing anyway.
 

His letter was unfortunately never read, as Mr Callousgreedypig, angry at the overwhelming cloud of confetti like mini letters, cut himself shaving and found another use for it...

The C6 Profiterator project was abandoned after Colin got his wish. Mr Callousgreedypig was attempting to reverse the effect on his tackle by asking a site electrician to swap the live and neutral wires round (they don't learn do they). His testicles were last seen in low earth orbit and now account for two additional tides on Earth and to this very day the workforce refer to him (quite accurately it transpires) as nothing more than a big p***k.


Disclaimer: This story is satire - this means it is for entertainment only and is not true. Mr Anthrop accepts no responsibility for the accuracy or otherwise of this information - it is all untrue. If you are a house developer reading this , well done!