Roads aren't just for Christmas

Hundreds of forgotten roads, abandoned at birth by uncaring builders in favour of their slightly more attractive sibling houses are crying out to be adopted by loving councils throughout the land.
Prospective adopters should be kind, forgiving, good with jack hammers and willing to overlook many hideous deformities and permanent damp patches.  

The orphanage

Ideally adopters will have gentle spray hoses to help remove the mud and mortar stains, and mobile first aid responders to fix the damage caused by the spraying.
Many of these unwanted roads have spent years without light, with large acne drain covers. Some have no eyes, others no names but at least only a few have lines or marks, it's pitiful.

Sleeping rough in cardboard box

 

Please do your best at this special time of year and tell your developers to get their sodding roads fit enough to be adopted!

Disclaimer: This story is satire - this means it is for entertainment only and is not true. Mr Anthrop accepts no responsibility for the accuracy or otherwise of this information - it is all untrue. If you are a house developer reading this , well done!

help to cry scheme

The Government, buoyed up by what appeared to be a successful plan to encourage first time buyers to buy hugely overpriced, undersized and badly built shacks are showing their sensitivity to the aftermath of their folly by bringing a new pre-election initiative today.
Help to cry was launched by patron Gwen Paltry at a shelter for severely shafted new home buyers in Walsall. She began her launch speech but had to be helped from the stage by her entourage as she was clearly moved by the worthy cause.

Afterwards Gwen apologized for her characteristic behavior and hoped that the program would help others to let it all out and sob uncontrollably knowing there was someone, somewhere who gave a shit - there has to be...right?

...surely there must be?

...oh you're kidding me?

...really?

wow!

Disclaimer: This story is satire - this means it is for entertainment only and is not true. Mr Anthrop accepts no responsibility for the accuracy or otherwise of this information - it is all untrue. If you are a house developer reading this , well done!

University of course

University of Middlesham

MSc in Modern Estate Construction

 

Course details:

• Deniable promise presentation and delivery
• Post–sales promise backtracking
• Morality erradication*
• Plausible excuse creation
• Hiring of unqualified workers from dubious backgrounds
• Firing of unqualified workers after minimum wage claims
• Arranging senior management meeting in sub-tropical locations
• Sub-standard material sourcing
• Entertaining politicians and planning chiefs
• Donation hiding techniques
• non-potential customer relations
• Making 9/10 scale show home furniture
• Designing 8/10 scale garages
• Spotting gullible clients
• Exploiting client vulnerabilities
• Persuading your teaching and nursing friends that their jobs are rubbish
• How to use Sellotape ® on leaking waterpipes
• How to use Sellotape ® on sparking wires
• How to use Sellotape ® on hissy gas pipes
• How to make the most of the Sellotape ® reps hospitality  
• Using leaf stalks in place of rawlplugs
• Explaining timing slippages as a Quantum effect
• Blaming everything on any god

 *medical intervention may be necessary   

Disclaimer: This story is satire - this means it is for entertainment only and is not true. Mr Anthrop accepts no responsibility for the accuracy or otherwise of this information - it is all untrue. If you are a house developer reading this, well done!