bad form

A man after midnight

The Pissemoff site office is the usual set of containers with two levels, outside stairs, steel door, a couple of windows and chintz curtains. It sits about a hundred yards from my foxhole and I've noticed that for the last few months they have been leaving the light on randomly (like my children do)
As part of my observational log I had been recording when the light was left on and when off. There appeared to be a pattern but it took me a while to work out that it was actually morse code. Three alternate nights on, then three alternate weeks on, then three alternate nights on, repeated - wasn't that the same message sent from the Titanic?
I now wonder which one of the fluorescent green clad muppets is the ABBA fan.

Disclaimer: This story is satire,  this means it is for entertainment only and is not true apart from the lights randomly being left on. Mr Anthrop accepts no responsibility for the accuracy or otherwise of this information - it is all untrue. If you are a house developer reading this , well done!

I see the mist clearing

Trading standards have begun investigating after an initiative launched by house builders appears to break laws on mis-selling. Back at the beginning of the year, a consortium of builders, sick of being asked stupid questions by new buyers approached a far east company to supply crystal balls to new customers. The purchasers were to refer to the ball in all circumstances for all questions regarding their new purchase. In the event that no acceptable answer was forthcoming from the ball, the buyer would simply ask the ball to provide a contact number for a telephone conversation.
Things were going fine with many buyers reporting better response from the crystal balls than the site managers, until Barry Jones asked his why the boiler only worked for an hour on Saturday and an hour on Sunday at precisely eight pm.
Unfortunately Barry threw the crystal ball in anger at his television one Sunday just as the boiler turned off again. Barry 'borrowed' a replacement from a traveling circus after having his fortune told. He returned expecting to meet a talk, dark electrician waiting to fix his boiler but as he placed the new crystal ball on the kitchen table, the swirling inside cleared and a message read: "Barry you're a feckin idiot, your old crystal ball was made of glass"
Shocked by the clear response he asked the ball what was wrong with the boiler. Immediately the crystal ball indicated that the special needs electrician had wired the boiler into the Virgin Media box so whenever he was recording x-factor the boiler also came on.

Barry dutifully asked the crystal ball for a number to contact customer services and the mist again cleared with another message. "Get a grip Barry, I'm not a bloody clairvoyant!"


Disclaimer: This story is satire - this means it is for entertainment only and is not true. Mr Anthrop accepts no responsibility for the accuracy or otherwise of this information - it is all untrue. If you are a house developer reading this , well done!